Public Service Announcement

**DISCLAIMER**

If you are on a bicycle, and using that instead of fossil fuel-burning modes of transportation, high five! You rock. You are incrementally saving the world and I truly appreciate that. That being said...

**RANT**

If you are on said bicycle, going very slowly, in the middle of a lane of a two lane busy road AND you have decided to forgo underwear so that I am blessed to have you provide your full ass for my viewing pleasure as we creep at 5mph, GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY!

**STORY**

I'm driving on Florida Avenue, having just left a great meeting on U Street NW and heading to H Street NE. On my way, I encounter a bicyclist. Happens all the time. No big deal. However, this certain sloth on wheels is drifting toward the center of my lane. With oncoming traffic, and my recent bout of car drama, I was not about to risk trying to go around him. Sensing that he may be pissing off the line of cars stacked up behind him going disturbingly slow, he stands up as if to pedal a bit harder and get a move on. Well, if the desired outcome was to move faster, alas, he failed. However, if the outcome was to provide a healthy serving of bare ass, then big win for this fine sir. And lucky me with undeserved front row seats.
'
It was then after a few blocks of this guy's crescent moon leading the way... that I actually laughed, shattering my overall "this is my nightmare" demeanor. This was so ridiculous that it was actually kind of funny. I thought about me and the 15 cars all lined up behind me, funeral procession style, all craning to look and see what the issue is... only to have this guy's bare ass hit them like a smack in the face. It was kind of amazing. After 5 FULL BLOCKS of this "moonlit" drive through NW DC, he finally pulled off to the side of the road and stopped, as if freeing us after minutes of imprisonment. At that moment, I gave my first gear a break and took off. But as I passed this gentleman, I kind of wanted to roll down the window and give him my best Eddie Izzard "job well done" impression.... (go to 0:59)


anyways, thats been the highlight of my day... Doesn't really say much for today... But then again, on a day as dreary as today, what more could I ASS for?!

hahahah.

ok back to work.