keep your expectations low and i will rise to the occasion.


Saturday, February 20, 2010

i miss saturday morning cartoons...

some of the greats:
gummi bears
snorks (underwater version of the smurfs)
sonic the hedgehog
alvin and the chipmunks
the ghostbusters
tweety and bugs bunny show
ninja turtles

and of course...

wwf wrestling

those were the days.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

on the 7th day, god rested. chuck norris took over.

i know these were cool 5 years ago... but i get some nostalgia reflecting on laughing so hard i drooled a little... at work.

chuck norris went looking for a bar but couldn’t find one. he walked to a vacant lot and sat there. sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. he then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. chuck norris yelled over the roar of the flames, “always leave things the way you found em!”

chuck norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. so next time chuck norris is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

chuck norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

chuck norris was the fourth wiseman. he brought baby jesus the gift of “beard”. jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. the other wisemen, jealous of jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have chuck omitted from the bible. shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the force: the light side, the dark side, and chuck norris.

if paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? answer: chuck norris.

chuck norris has never blinked in his entire life. never.

chuck norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. it helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from uno and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card.

one time while sparring with wolverine, chuck norris accidentally lost his left testicle. you might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: jupiter.

contrary to popular belief, chuck norris, not the box jellyfish of northern australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

chuck norris does not use spell check. if he happens to misspell a word, oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the big bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (chuck norris roundhouse kick)

in world war II, chuck norris shot a german plane down with his finger, by yelling, "bang!"

when chuck norris plays oregon trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. he also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. he always makes it to oregon before you.

and my all-time personal favorite...

chuck norris is currently suing nbc, claiming law and order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

if you have any others that i dont know, feel free to share!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

jam of the moment

i put this on at work and now the day is flying by...

do yourself a favor, put on your headphones, click on this video and just rock out to an old school jam.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

new music review: angels and airwaves - "love"

the third and newest collection of synth-laced lovelorn songs by tom delonge and crew that provide the listener with an ambient wave of music about life, death, religion and of course, love. if you know angels and airwaves' previous efforts, this will fall right in line with those. i will admit that this album has a few more moments that stand out than previous works. dont worry though... if you enjoy the seemingly endless and gratuitous instrumental parts of the first two albums, then your in luck. they squeeze them in all over the album. the entire first track of the album is 90 seconds of pure unadulterated synth-strumental bliss.

after listening to the album through several times, sure there are the cliche themes that revolve around love but this is a little bit more. yes, there are parts that pull in religion and god but those are to mirror our own experience. who hasnt prayed to god about some aspect of a relationship or questioned if love is real or not... much like religion. sure there are allusions to the end of the world but those metaphors to describe the epic nature of love and its messy and sometimes extremely abrupt end. make no mistake, this album is 100% about relationships (the album is called "love" and came out of valentine's day!) but there is a little bit more to it than just another poppy emo offering.

i think the true meaning and purpose of the album is to play out the life cycle of love and a relationship. a "love story." beginning, middle and unfortunately, an end. the album begins with a song about loneliness, moves into falling in love, people being in love, issues beginning to arise in the relationship, love falls apart and then finally ending with loneliness. back at square one. you could easily hit the end of the record and say "repeat" and not lose a step. and maybe that was the idea behind the album.

in terms of listening pleasure, if you like late blink or anything by angel and airwaves, this album falls right in. nothing groundbreaking. just a solid well written and thoughtful album. minus the excessive instrumentals that seem self-indulgent and just get in the way, the songs themselves are really well done. i also appreciate that the tempo differs more from song to song than on previous efforts. on this album you have fast, slow and medium songs... gives the album momentum and keeps it interesting.

all in all, i thought it was good. i dont think it will alter how you think about angels and airwaves or convince you to like them if you never liked them before. however, its an enjoyable rock album and tom's voice does not come across too whiny which is always a plus.

the official jiggles rating scale(1-10):
1-3: if i listen to this again, its because either i was confused or needed to be reminded of what is the baseline for crappy music
4-6: eh... its entertaining maybe but the either the lyrics are crap, the music is crap or they have a shitty drummer (im a sucker for a good drummer)
7-9: solid album with good lyrics that will remain on my ipod cue for at least the next year and i will feel comfortable encouraging my friends to listen/buy the album
10: coheed and cambria quality music with dustin kensrue/ben gibbard/dallas green/mike nolan quality lyrics (very rarely happens)

angels and airwaves - "love" = 7.5

also, there is a drinking game within this album. the rules are the following:
1. drink every time you hear the words "love" "heart" "life" and "death"
2. drink during unnecessarily extended instrumental sections

dont plan on being functional by track 7.

finally something useful to do with a pet guinea pig!

um. awesome. i think people who dress up their animals solely for the purposed of humor(we've all done it... raise your hand if you shaved your cat into a lion... yeah, you are just as guilty.) are the coolest people ever!

now if only they had a handful of small animals and could do a scene from the land before time with sarah, duckey, spike, etc... i would definitely pay to see that!

Monday, February 15, 2010

motivational post of the year

as i sit here at work, it seems my life is slowly fading away under the relentless assault of the corporate lifestyle. i can't help to watch one video that will continue to push me to become a better person and really live life to the fullest.

the video is of jimmy valvano delivering a speech at the 1993 espy awards. he has terminal cancer and dies 6 months after this speech was delivered. i have never heard anyone speak truer words and the passion and sincerity with which he speaks will resonate with everyone.

i hope you watch this video and think about who you are and what you can do differently or better to be the person that each of you aspires to be.

i have nothing to add...

except that this is both hilarious and scary. thank you again huggies for your light-hearted how-to's for all those future parents out there.

no piss on the pillows = huggies. check.