keep your expectations low and i will rise to the occasion.


Thursday, August 12, 2010

a cautionary tale of "WTF?!"

Sunday, August 1st - came home around 2am from alabama, where i attended a wedding... still most likely drunk.

Monday, August 2nd - wake up at 8am and take my car in for routine servicing. 4 hours later after sitting in the waiting area, i am presented with an $800 bill. sweet

Monday, August 2nd - that evening, i went online and paid some parking tickets. realizing that Tuesday morning, I am going to march down to the dc dmv and register my car.

Tuesday, August 3rd - wake up on a bright sunny day to a $100 dollar expired tags ticket sitting on my car. time of ticketing!? 4:30am.

Tuesday, August 3rd - frustrated, i go to the dc dmv and stand in line for 3 hours. when i get to the desk, i find out that i cant use just any piece of mail with my dc address on it, it has to be a copy of the lease. so i leave, prepared to return again.

Wednesday, August 4th - go back to dmv prepared to become a dc resident. another 2 hours in line... and well wouldnt you know it, i need to have my car inspected in dc before i can register. so i leave head hanging in shame.

Thursday, August 5th - wake up at 6am and get in line for the dc inspection facility. yes, there is only ONE place in all of dc that provides inspections so me and hundreds of my closest friends from all over the city line up with me. i sit in my car until about 9am when i finally am asked to get out my car for a 2 minute process of making sure my car is not personally responsible for the depletion of the o-zone. and i am now driving straight to the dmv.

Thursday, August 5th - arrive at the dmv ready to finally become a dc resident. but sadly, arriving at 9am means 4-5 hours waiting in line and after 2 hours and not really moving, i leave so that i can retain my job. however, while waiting in line, i do become the mayor of the penn avenue dc dmv on foursquare... silver lining!?

Thursday, August 5th - the time is now 4pm and i just want to get this crap over with. i go to ANOTHER dmv hoping that it is faster and it was maybe the best dmv i have ever been to. i was in and out in an hour and am now proudly a dc resident and proud owner of dc plates. finally over and i am a dc resident!

Friday, August 6th - my car is having trouble accelerating over 60 mph... and im not sure why. i call my repair center that gave my car $800 worth of repairs earlier in the week and they tell me to just bring it in on monday.

Saturday, August 7th - i get into an accident.

Sunday, August 8th - car is definitely struggling and not performing well.

Monday, August 9th - get to the repair shop at 8am for my car to looked over again. 3 hours of sitting in the waiting room... again and they tell me that my catalytic converter has had some kind of freak problem and has completely deteriorated from the inside. bill to replace? $1300 dollars. they tell me that they are going to try and help me with the cost. they then take to the closest metro and send me back into the city with no car.

Monday, August 9th - honda will cover half because of how much of a freak situation this is. however... $650 is still a lot. i am to pick it up in the morning on Tuesday.

Tuesday, August 10th - get up early and pick up my car. she runs well and even though, i now lack another $650 bucks, im glad to have her back.

Tuesday, August 10th - that evening, my roommates and i are going through the mail. something came for me from the dmv. as i look closer at the front of the envelope, i realize that they spelled my name "B-R-A-I-N" and unfortunately, my name is not brain. after a few moments, i realized that this letter was probably automatically generated. so i grab my wallet and pull out my brand new ID. sure enough, i had failed to see this before but my official name in DC is BRAIN. so much for taking a flight anywhere and using my ID...

Tuesday, August 10th - i go over to a buddy's place to play some poker. after 3 hours of poker, one beer and giving $40 generously to 7 guys i dont know that well, i decide to head home. one of the guys at the game lives near me so he asks for a ride and i say "sure!" As we are driving back, he asks how i normally get back to capitol hill. I tell him and he then tells me he knows a back way. Sounds fun! we take a non-descript exit from 295 and go under a bridge. as we come out from under the bridge, i realize that there is a small blockade of vehicles blocking the path. an officer pops out and tells me to stop. he comes up to the car and here is the following conversation:

me: how are you officer?
johnny law: did you realize that you drove through 3 authorized vehicles only signs to get here?
me: no?
johnny law: sir, have you been drinking tonight?
me: i had one beer two hours ago.
johnny law: i ask because i can smell alcohol coming from the car. please step out of the vehicle
me: um... ok.

he then proceeds to wave a pen in front of my face for 5 full minutes to see if i can follow with my eyes but not move my head... i passed but my heart was pounding out of my chest.

johnny law: i better not see you back on this road again. you understand?!
me: yes, sir.

he lets me get back into my car and i drive this guy home and then get back to my house.

this has been my last week and a half regarding my car. hopefully... HOPEFULLY i got all this craziness out of the way and now i can just enjoy a nice relaxing time with my car as a new dc resident. i dont think i can take much more drama involving my vehicle.

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