keep your expectations low and i will rise to the occasion.


Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Day 60

i am using my blog to write a letter to a special someone who decided to pull up a chair next to me at a Starbucks in Adams Morgan.

Dear father of two,

First off, I hope you had a wonderful weekend. Did you see the Oscar's? Wow, Franco was bad, right!? I know...

Anyways, for the future, please do not bring your two young boys to a Starbucks, let them split a coffee and then have them sit at a group table where it is blatantly obvious that every other person, pushing 6 people in total, are here working. I know you have a caffeine addiction (probably because you get no sleep from your kids abusing caffeine-laden liquids...) and love to read the paper somewhere other than your kitchen table. However, getting your kids hopped up on coffee (they split a large, just to jog your memory) and letting them wrestle on the floor over the empty coffee cup seems unnecessary. I also want to point out that simply throwing out the coffee cup does not solve the problem. In fact, as I write this, one of your young children is standing over my shoulder presumably reading this as I type it. That's fine because I'm saving the real colorful language for later...

Anyways, I'm not mad at your two boys. Heck, I want 35 just like them. However, you and your desire to create a tornado of noise and commotion and lack of parental supervision in a Starbucks during business hours is deplorable.

In short, don't give your kids coffee, don't bring them to a Starbucks with nothing to do but fight over trash while you read the paper and most importantly, if you fail to follow the first two instructions, please, at a minimum, acknowledge the fact that your are an asshole and apologize to those around you.

Warm Regards,

"My name doesn't matter because the only thing I'm giving you is the bird."


  1. I just died laughing! Xander decided the other day that he wanted coffee for breakfast. Some parents just need to say No like I did :)

  2. kelly, you are providing a public service and i commend you for it. its incredible how many adults have trouble standing up to a 2 foot tall human being with limited ability to communicate.