keep your expectations low and i will rise to the occasion.


Tuesday, February 2, 2010

take me to the place i love... take me all the way - los angeles

la, the city of angels, los angeles.

not discovered by the germans and named after a whale's vagina like its southern contemporary...

(if you don't get the reference, this post now comes with required homework.** see below.)

for me personally, los angeles has a ton of history. it all began 50 years ago when my dad, a military brat who lived all over the world during his childhood, finally settled in southern california for the remainder of his tweenage life.

my dad is definitely one of those people who tells the "when i was a kid...." stories. he reminisces about all the fine dining establishments that he would frequent in high school such as del taco, the green burrito, carls jr. and jack in the box. (we have to settle for taco bell here on the (l)east coast... dont get me wrong, i love t-bell but it just doesnt compare). he would stop off at 2 or 3 places on the way home and get 3 burritos, 3 hamburgers and fries. so for those who have seen me take down 6 or 7 items from taco bell, now you know, it's genetic.

after making it through high school with a significant pair of horn-rimmed glasses and excelling at sports such as baseball and track (those genes went to my brother... i got my mom's bowling talents), my dad went to the university of southern california. a trojan. one of the most bad ass mascots ever. not to mention, he was there when the likes of oj simpson (hes not a good person, but he was good at football.) and marcus allen were beating on the rest of the pac-10 and notre dame. and if you went to ohio state and read this, 1973 rose bowl. eat it.

since i was a kid, i grew up wishing i was on the left coast. soaking up the rays, kicking it on the pier, hanging ten with the other surfers (im making the assumption that bowling skills translate into the ability to surf. fairly logical i think). whether it was visiting my grandparents who lived at the base of a mountain on the 12th hole of a famous golf course or spending a weekend at a beach house in malibu, southern california seemed like heaven's home away from home. not to mention, everyone is hot. obviously, i didnt really notice when i was young kid but as puberty kicked in, it became more and more evident. a crazy time, that puberty... moving on.

nothing convinced me more than when i turned 13 and my aunt, to celebrate this crucial juncture in a young man's life, flew me out to los angeles to stay with her, my uncle and my awesome cousins. if you're reading this, what up! i just remember loving every moment and dreading having to return home at any point. they had a pool. their neighbors had a pool. everyone had a damn pool. the trip's culminating moment was when my little cousins and i tried to sell lemonade at the end of the street at a make-shift stand. it lasted maybe 30 minutes as we were abruptly bought out for $50 and a jar of pretzel sticks by a guy who had a house across the street from us. we later found out was a running a porn operation out of his home. classic.

now fast forward to this past year. one of my best friends is touring with a band and they were to play a date in la that fell on labor day. me, and 7 friends all flew out to la and spent the long weekend in hermosa beach to see our buddy and kick it in paradise. we rocked out to great music, hung out on rooftops, we toured the strip in a limo... which we made pull into a del taco and buy 40 tacos for $15. i may or may not have called my dad at 4am est just to share the good news. he didnt seem as excited as i was. we chilled at the beach, hung out in santa monica, we partied in houses overlooking the pacific ocean, ate at pita pit every three hours (this is not an exaggeration... at all. it actually became a game for me to combine as many different meats as possible. roast beef, turkey and chicken pita anyone?).

definitely was one of the most memorable times of my life. and as i sat in the airport, set to board my plane, i remember thinking, there is no where else i'd rather be.

so, thats the point of all of this. ladies and gentleman, i know that dc is not where i will end up. while im quite fond of dc, i have lived here almost my entire life. yawn. maybe i havent done everything that dc has to offer... but my perception is i have and i will quote the honorable vince mcmahon** with "perception is reality." i want to experience something new. so, los angeles comes to mind. now that you know the back story to my adoration of the smog angeles, lets do a little exercise. it will help me and this is definitely a great time for audience participation.

pros and cons - los angeles

pro: its los angeles and the place is one big party
con: if its one big party... how does anything ever get done!?

pro: great sports teams! dodgers, lakers, trojans, bruins
con: no nfl and the la galaxy's need for david beckam, currently starring in the chipmunk's squeek-quel. his voice is hilarious.

pro: the beach
con: my skin's reaction... usually follows a burn, sting, gradual peal, back to square one kind of model.

pro: anyone can make it big! so many unique opportunities
con: the state is going out business... however could become a pro if a state going bankrupt means taxes are no longer paid...

pro: so many interesting people!
con: so many interesting people! that are fake and lie.

pro: the music
con: the prices

pro: the weather is gorgeous all year round
con: so the weather being good means you spend more time outside allowing your lungs to fill up with smog

any others!? come on people, i must be missing something...

so, yeah. los angeles, hollywood, santa monica boulevard. i think the mamas and the papas had it right. california dreaming... from the time i was a small child until now, ive been dreaming of the golden state, a state motto obviously referring to people taking a chance and chasing their dream of finding golden treasure. maybe its about time i chase one of my dreams and maybe stumble upon my own treasure. who knows what that could be... but then, maybe that's the point.

special thanks to corey for allowing us to overrun his place in hermosa beach! cant thank you enough big guy.

**homework for today is to go find a copy of anchorman and watch it all the way through. next, find a copy of royal rumble, make up a drinking game to it and then look for vince mcmahon to make an appearance.


  1. dear jarcho:

    how did you not tell us you had a blog? i, along with all other hworks/abc friends, are now going to become committed followers of your touching words. and for the record, you're a pirate hooker.

    peace love and happiness,
    the future ceo

  2. there was no reward for my bravery, no great return on the investment in curiosity. I kept pressing on through the self important pop references knowing there must be a punch line -- a gem -- somewhere, else why would the author have embarked on his literary journey in the first place? I squinted, sweated, struggled until I saw the end of the post thinking "there! something funny must be there!"

    but alas,

    Jarcho, you have found a new medium through which to dissappoint me. In truth, I am more ashamed with myself for reading, than you for writing.

  3. haha... wow. thanks thaddeus for stopping by. i guess i did not "rise to the occasion" for dear tad. sorry to have wasted your time dear friend and godspeed as you search for funny blogs. they are out there and they are waiting... longing for your keen eye for grammar and your unparalleled ability to persevere and read multiple paragraphs.

    best to you.

  4. Well unlike thaddeus, who must have his panties all up in a bunch (yes, i DID just say that), i must say i thought your blogs were intriguing. :]
    however, you DID NOT diss David Beckham!! >O
    my dear friend, that is just not exceptable!